How many of you, look up the internet for symptoms, before you consult you GP or therapist?

Five years ago, I would have raised my hands. Neither is that right or wrong. However, lets put on a different goggle to enhance this perspective. The professionals out there, have studied and gained valuable experience to examine and cater to everyone based on what going on in their mind and body, with relation to their own environment. The internet is overloaded with information that may or may not be relevant to you. Most of this information is very general. The information you see may give you a tentative idea. However, I strongly recommend you to not depend on the information completely. If you have not understood anything from the above paragraph, let’s look at it this way. Have there been days, where you have a terrible abdominal pain, companied with feeling weak and nauseous? And there you go looking up for these symptoms, and you see terms like Gastroenteritis or Pancreatitis. There you are sitting in front of your phones or laptops, with a slightly raised heart rate. You are probably already freaking out. Then few days later, females for instance, your monthly best friend comes for a visit. Then you realize, it was just a cramp, which you freaked out after searching the internet. That’s exactly what I meant!

Because the internet is loaded with any information that you can possibly think of, we misuse this information, leading to “false diagnosis”. So, what do you do then? Seek professionals to speak about any issues you are encountering, be it physically or emotionally. When your therapist examines in person, you may be provided with a better treatment suited for you. Finance may be tight for some of us, fret not. There are many places that offer subsidized, or sometimes waived fees. You could perhaps check out for these places up in the internet! ;)

#selfhelp #selfdiagnosis #helponline #seektherapist #counselling

When I first commenced my journey in the line of mental health, the first question I was asked “You should be able to help me solve my problem since that’s what you have studied for?”

Firstly, I would like to acknowledge that it sure does take a heap of a courage to speak about personal issues, to a stranger or sometimes even a familiar. However, there is one thing that we all need to know. No one, other than yourselves, can solve your issues. Therapists are out there to hear you out, and guide you to make the best decision for yourself. During this process, its YOU who is crafting your path. Its YOU who decide the change in your life. You make the first step, by looking for a therapist to speak to. This motivation is the driving factor that is going to assist you to make further decisions in your therapy sessions. If you are coming to a therapist, thinking that your problem will be solved, you are highly to be disappointed after the initial session. The whole of idea of the therapy involves the therapist getting to know you, your environment, emotions and feelings. Questions that may be posted to you, will help you understand the relationship between your thoughts, feelings and behavior. Therapy aids in widening and exploring your potential within you. Yes, that’s what it is. The solution is within you. That’s the formula.

Motivation (You making the steps) + Therapy (You Making the difference) = Solution (Your satisfaction)

I encourage all to seek help or assistance when in need, because the solution is within you. Have you made your first step?

#solvemyproblems #solution #counselling #motivationalblogging

Has the pain been so intense and overwhelming? You never saw this day coming, did you?

I have a news for you. If you have a broken heart, that is a sign that you have tried. You have given your all. You have stood rooted to the ground, despite the heavy storms around you. Regardless of rain or shine, you never gave up. Now that you realize your efforts are not appreciated, your heart breaks. I can hear your soul crying for help. So many thoughts running through your mind. Gone is your smile, joy and hunger. I can see that your sadness has consumed you. Waking up with a piercing pain in your heart. Going to bed with a terrible headache from all the thinking that you have been doing. Nevertheless, hey... Listen...

Do not be harsh on yourself. Do not blame yourself. Your worth is in your hands, not anyone else’s. Do not allow anyone to snatch your joy and smile from you. The soul that is crying for help, wants to live. The soul wants to fight the storms that are trying to uproot it. So what if one door has shut? Find the other door, to let your soul relive.

May happiness consume your pain. May your fight win!

Does your mirror image resonate with who you are on the inside? I have met many people who share their experience of how they hate to look at themselves in the mirror.

There are various reasons to feel that way.

However, I think it’s important to acknowledge these feelings as it is, instead of dismissing them. Most importantly, when it comes to self-image, no one else can improve it except yourself. We often strive to look like who we are on the inside. Some of us succeed earlier, some later.

The first step toward success will be to value yourself, and know your worth. Embrace your strengths and weakness. Setting goals, and working towards it will aid in improving self-image. What have you done for yourself? What have you done for the community?

That’s what matters the most. Don’t forget to engage in positive talks with yourself to embrace what you feel!

All the 90's kids, put your hands up if you have shared in your social media or social gathering about you have been 'adulting' - because you have started paying bills, living on your own, paying for your own education etc.

The definition of adulting as described by whatis.com is " Adulting is the assumption of tasks, responsibilities and behaviors traditionally associated with normal grown-up life, along with the implication that the individual in question does not particularly identify as an adult and that acting as one does not come naturally".

Now that you read the definition, do you think you have 'adulted' enough? I'd be the first to nod in denial! Truth be told, the definition of the term 'adulting' differs across various culture. In this context, I refer culture to a set of beliefs practiced by social groups, not just ethnic or racial groups.

I first thought I was 'adulting' at the age of 14, when I had my first crush - I still laugh thinking about it. Then when I pursue my higher studies- which also means no more school uniforms- I thought I 'adulted'. And later on, when I started using make up, I thought to myself, okay I am really 'adulting' now. Then reality hit me - or at least that's what I thought - when I furthered my studies in a foreign land, without my family. I had to be responsible for myself - it may sound weird to you, but not to Asian communities I guess! Some days were tougher that other and it would feel like my world is crashing down and all I need is -mummy. I started to ask myself "How could I have 'adulted' if I still need mum at the age of 26".

On the other hand I am greeted with wedding post, baby shower, engage etc of my peers. Did they adult before me? Through conversations with my peers, I learnt that each of us had a different perspective to 'adulting'. And that's okay.

What about you? How did you 'adult'? Did you experience similar thoughts? I'd love to hear from you!

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better - Henry Rollins

To many loneliness appears to be an element of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Ask yourself what are the words that come to your mind when you think of loneliness. What kind of energy is emitted when you think of these words?

Just like many other feelings, Loneliness hold different definitions for each individual. For some of us loneliness means being isolated, not having intimate bonds or being in an empty room. On the contrary, loneliness means feeling disengaged despite the bonds we have, or feeling alone in a room with our friends, family and sometimes even your other half. The meaning of loneliness may even be different for the same individual in different context.

With all the different types of loneliness that we experiences, we often associate this to a negative feeling. However existing literature review shows that some individuals perceive loneliness to be positive, especially when you are comfortable with your own company. For instance, some days I am very comfortable with my own company because it provides me an opportunity to think and reflect, while also stimulating my creativity. On the other hand, there are some days I don't trust my own company because , i rely on intimate bonds- someone to confide in. Loneliness, personally, may be good or bad depending on how I take it.

I believe loneliness can be good occasionally so long as you wear your perspective goggles. It's okay to feel lonely once in a while when you are in a relationship. Its okay to feel lonely in a party your friends-but not with our pawfriends (they just have their way to pull us out, haha). All you have to do is, check in with yourself because sometimes it appears that we have everything we need, but yet we feel lonely. And that my friend, could be a hint that you need a change!

Having worked with children across various age groups over the past 10 years, I find great joy in working with them- leading me to take this position. My passion however leans towards mental health and well being. To be honest, I had to start working as soon as I can, because I have to pay bills- Don't we all?'Geesh.

I embraced my mixed emotions before the commencement of this role. I told myself that I will get through this. Week 1 passed. I was overwhelmed, not by the children, but by the paperwork and responsibility. I started doubting myself. Yet again, I gave myself reasons to bear with the overwhelming emotions. By week 2, I found myself coming home exhausted. When I say exhausted, I mean both mentally and physically. I pushed myself to learn things fast so as to settle in my role well. Days and nights, I spent working. By week 4 , I knew I was not just feeling stressed, I was experiencing a burnout. I started feeling fatigue despite having sufficient sleep. I felt frustrated for little things - definitely wasn't PMSing. It hit me hard when I experience withdrawal symptoms. I dread going to work, despite loving to work with children.

So I sat down and reflect. I did not just have to deal with a job, but I was also sorting out my visa, counselor's registration and provisional psychologist registration. To top that of, I had to think of a way to pay off my loan - Good lord, studying ain't cheap! I realized then that I had quite a few on my plate to deal with, and was feeling overwhelmed with all that. And because I was not practicing self-care, my system started 'crashing'. Just like myself, I am sure most of you would have been at that place at some point of time in life. Unlike antibiotics or prescribed medications, there is no same treatment that can be used generally. Personally, I started prioritising what had on my plate. I set boundaries for myself at work. I remind myself to leave work at work. I concentrated on myself- got myself a word search book, its amazing! And of course I indulge in food (not encouraging). What worked for me may not work for all. But here are some things you need to work on to deal with a burnout.

Explore your options and evaluate them. Set goals for yourself with boundaries. Take time to relax. Seek support when necessary. Hydrate yourself well and maintain a healthy diet. There are many ways to relax yourself. I have shared some of mine, so can you!

Remember "Burnout is a sign that something needs to change”

In the past few months, I have discussed with some of my friends or acquaintances about commitment. I have had people expressing their fear of being unable to commit or fear of their loved ones not being able to commit. Before we proceed further, lets ask ourselves, what does commitment mean to us? And how do we stay committed? – This brought me to carry out an informal research.

I posted these questions and received a range of responses which intrigued me. In this blog, I will be sharing some common themes I had identified. The purpose of this blog is to expand our perspectives of commitment, and hopefully help those who are feeling lost out there. Let’s go!

The Cambridge Dictionary defines commitment as

1) a promise or firm decision to do something

2) willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something that you believe in or

3) something that you must do or deal with that takes your time.

However, there appears to be a misconception of what commitment is to some of us. When I had posted this question, I had several responses like “ I think, I wouldn’t be able to answer that because I am not in a relationship” , “If I had a partner, I will be able to commit” or “Commitment is being loyal to your partner”. These responses suggest that some of us perceive commitment to be a romantic relationship. As defined by the dictionary above, “willingness to give your time and energy…to something you believe in” sits well for these responses. However, the responses also seem to depict a rather narrow perspective.

On the other hand, I also received responses such as “having a goal in life and doing everything within your means is how you stay committed”, “My job is my commitment. I work daily and have goals to meet every day at work. Planning allows me to stay committed “or “Family is commitment. We work hard every day to build a family, provide food and shelter for our loved ones. We stay committed to them”. These responses sit well with the definition “a promise to do something” and “willingness to give your time and energy to a job that you believe in”. Again, these responses also seem to have a narrow approach.

Personally, commitment means loyalty towards myself and my goals. Commitment should not always be about sacrifices, adapting or conforming, but also about self-care and self-love. I fell like I should be commitment to something I set my mind on, only because I want to and not because I need to. These responses that I have shared come from people across the life span, wearing different hats in their daily lives- Son/Daughter, Mother/Father, Friend, Employer/Employee etc. We have different roles to play in our lives. Each role may require a certain commitment. However, it is critical to understand that commitment comes in different shapes and sizes, thus keep a wide perspective what commitment is. Note, be happy!

Firstly, Happy Mother’s Day to all! Before we start, lets ask ourselves a question. What does mother mean?

Well, according to dictionary, mother (noun) is defined as a female parent. In recent years, the word mother has developed a few other types of definition. In this blog, I am sharing with you the different definitions I got from participants across the lifespan – Children to Adults. I will also be sharing my perspective of a Mother.

The question that was posted to participants is: What does mother mean to you? Younger children described Mother in the following ways:

“My mother is someone who wakes me up.”

” My mother is someone who buys me everything I like.”

” My mother is everything.”

” My mother is special.”

” My mother is someone who is very kind.”

” My mother makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

” My mother is a strict, but kind woman.”

” My mother is pretty.”

” My mother is someone who brings me to watch my favorite movies.”

Most children had very similar responses. The common definitions are identified as above. Now lets move on to adults. Adults described Mother in the following ways:

“ My mother is Everything.”

“My mother is my world.”

“ My mother is my entire life, I cant live without her.”

“My mother is my soul”

“My mother is my Wonder-woman”

“My mother is the reason as to where I am today”

“My mother is someone who chides and coddles me in the most dubious way”

Now based on the responses above responses, do you see a similarity?

Despite how much we have grown, our response to what a mother means to us has not changed! Some of the meaning have developed to a higher level. Moreover, our mother’s role in our lives changes as we grow. Ultimately, mothers have facilitated our developments through kindness, unconditional love and empathy. Now I would like you guys to take a look back at the definitions and ask yourself this question- Is there anyone else who would make you feel the same way? Special? Your everything? Make you breakfast? Someone you cannot live without? I have a list of people who would make me feel similarly: My sisters, My dad, My brother, My friends, My teachers. What about those who have fathers or guardians who look after them in the place of a mother? Don’t they play a role as mother? What about the times your mother has to be away, for any reasons, who makes you feel the same way?

As I started exploring these definitions, I came to a realization that among the different hats we wear in our lives, at one point of time or another we would all have ‘mothered’ someone. When mother goes on a trip, my father takes care of us, he cooks us our favorite meals, spoils us with whatever we like. When my parents are not around, my sisters and I took care of our younger brother. We took care of the different departments- kitchen department, laundry department and education department (Hahaha)! The list goes on! Now when I am away from my family, I have my beloved friends who spoils me with surprises. Even their families, treat us like their very, and spoils me with home-cooked food. And not forgetting, our fur-kids! Well they show us unconditional love- sometimes expecting a treat! With that being said, I am so grateful for all the mothers in my life. Happy mother’s Day to each one of you!

Exploring unhealthy and healthy coping strategies

How do you like your coping strategy? With sugar or honey?

With the developing technologies and increasing needs, there has been an exceptional amount of processed food that is produced today. Additionally, these processed foods are usually cheap, accessible and last long. Sounds good doesn’t it? Mostly, processed food has made our life easier to run by the day. In recent years there has been a significant increase in the consumption of processed food. However, what are the consequences of consuming process food in the long run?

Several studies have found that an increase in consumption of processed food was associated with obesity and other health risks. These are unhelpful effects of processed food consumed over prolonged period. Before I get you thinking that this article is going to be about food and nutrition, let me tell you how I associate this with our mental well-being.

Having to work with young people, I enjoy using analogies to help them understand thought processes. I find this analogy especially helpful for cognitive restructuring and other CBT models. Most of our coping strategies are like processed food. We prefer to use strategies that are accessible, easy to manage, lasts long and does not take too much from us. Most of the time, these strategies get us through the day. For example, a young person had presented to me with anxiety symptoms. Their current coping strategies include scratching self, punching walls or alcohol consumption. As they uncover these self-injuring behaviours, they learnt that the above-mentioned strategies ease of their anxiousness as it is “calming, distracting or satisfying”. Just like processed food, these strategies will help them get through the day easing of their anxiousness to a certain extent. However, in the long run, it leads to bruises and dependency.

Now, you have had a very long and stressful day. You are mindful of your physical health, but you also want to relax and wind down. Chamomile tea sounds great to you at this stage. But you like it sweet. At the pantry, you find brown sugar, white sugar, and honey. These 3 ingredients will sweeten your cuppa. However, the calories vary for each ingredient, being mindful of your physical health, which would you choose for your cuppa? These 3 ingredients are just the different strategies we have in our life. They aim to make our life better, however, in the long run some does damage to us.

If you are scratching yourself when you are anxious, how does that help you? Do you find it satisfying? Is it the marks that you see or the sound that you hear? Ask yourself what other ways you can achieve similar satisfaction. Maybe scratching a pillow? Or maybe using a pen/marker to draw on yourself? Both type of strategies helps you to get through your day. However, one may lead to bruises and the other disappears when you wash away.

Similarly, our unhealthy coping strategies may help us on a short term, however, lead to other risk factors. How can we change that?

Again, how do you like your Cuppa?